Archive for September, 2011

Posted: September 14, 2011 in Uncategorized

I have at least 20 now.

It’s like a collection. 20 different people. There’s a girl who I swear there are multiples. But only sometimes.

I’m not crazy. I’ve seen it all. I think the guards see me now too. They are always looking into the trees.

After talking to Jane I think I need to stop coming here. I want to, but I feel like I just can’t leave. I think I am falling apart out here. I should go home. I need to. I’ll book a flight this week. I am dwindling, and am losing myself.


relentless bells

Posted: September 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

I think they echo in my waking and sleeping hours alike. They are inescapable. The damn bells. It’s just every two days…around 11 in the morning, you here the bells, followed by a series of clicks and the sound of scraping metal. But then I see her, and I hate it now. I loathe every second that passes between the bells and her return. They take her from the room, she is always trembling slightly, they’ve had to carry her once, her arms flailing wildly-like a child. Her eyes shut tight.

Then an hour passes, and she’s being led down the corridor again. Fresh bandages, almost too weak to move. It pains me. I have to bite my cheek and clench my fists to hold back screams of rage. Those bells bring nothing but pain. Every time I hear bells, even ones back at the hotel or on the street I think of her and the words of Charles Dickens resonate in my head:

“Nothing Scrooge could say or do could stop the relentless march of those terrible bells.” Its from A Christmas Carol.

I feel powerless, but even worse I feel ashamed. I’m too cowardly to do anything even if I had the slightest notion.